Thirteen Days
by FantasticJackie
Summary: Sam is trying to cope after Jack was killed in a mission off world thirteen days ago. But is he really dead? NO! Of course not! This was written for Valenship, people! Can't have deathfics for Valenship! Oh, but angst? Plenty of sad, shippy angst.


**Thirteen Days  
**_By: Jackie_

**AN:** Written in ONE day! Hoh yeah! This wasn't my intended Valenship offering, but what I was working on was going to end up far too fluffy without enough angsty development for S&J, so I did this – and jumped headlong into a pit in the Cavern of Angst! ;) It's for the Dreaded Day of Hearts, anyway; it's only natural I should celebrate with Angst!!

-/\-

Sam poked at the alien device in front of her, not really paying attention to what she was doing. It was harmless, she knew. She'd removed its power source and had it off to the side for later investigation.

SG-1 had been on stand down since it had happened, but no one had taken leave of the SGC. Indefinite stand down until the team had recovered from the loss and a replacement could be found. The thought sickened her – literally. Sam had flat out refused Hammond's gentle offer: she could never replace him, could never hold his place on his team. And the general had understood. He hadn't made her feel guilty about it.

But she still did. She still felt guilty. More than guilt, she felt as if there was a hole in her very being that would never, ever fully heal. A hole deeper than the six-foot deep one his empty casket was laid in.

Thirteen days. It had been thirteen days since she had last seen him. Thirteen days since she'd been forced to leave him. Staff blasts pounding, rocky cliff creaking from the stress of the rockslide, Jaffa lined on the other ridge of the ravine, raging river below. Thirteen days since he'd saved her, tossing her out of the way of the incoming debris from above. Thirteen days since she'd had a purpose.

Thirteen days since she had died with him.

The denial hadn't lasted long; it kind of couldn't when she'd watched him fall to his death, pinned by enemy fire under a massive boulder that had acted as his only shelter from the staff blasts. Samantha Carter wasn't one to be fooled by denial, anyway. She was far too grounded, too logical, too d---ed scientific.

_"Go!"_

_"No, __Colonel__! I won't__ leave you__!-"_

_"Daniel, get her out of here!"_

_"But Jack-!"_

_"Move your a--, d---it, now! Take her and drag her though the gate!__ All of you!__"_

His face had been so fierce as he gave his last order – to save his team, to save her, – that Daniel had done so without further argument. Surprisingly, it was Teal'c who had objected, but he soon gave into his friend's frenzied pleas to leave.

She had fought. Teal'c and Daniel had dragged her from the immediate vicinity, but not before they witnessed what he had tried to protect them from seeing. He didn't yell, he didn't cry out, as the ledge gave out beneath him. He had just watched them watch him, eyes locked with hers as she vainly reached out to him from yards away, Teal'c strong arm around her waist holding her back, until he disappeared from their view.

Then they were in the woods. She didn't recall how they'd gotten there, but she was able to move on her own again, away from the site of his death. They paused in their flight only when she threw up, fighting back sobs she wouldn't allow to escape. Escorted by Daniel and Teal'c on either side of her, they passed quickly through the foliage and trees, silent and grieving in their own ways, running from what they'd seen, running from nothing. Their enemy was cut off on the other side of the ravine; they had seen to that, exploding the bridge, causing the rockslide…that had lead to Colonel O'Neill's heroic sacrifice.

She had run without turning back. Until they'd reached the Stargate. She saw the alien ring, the chevrons, the DHD that would leave him behind forever. Never to return to his home planet. They couldn't return to Earth without him! Surely he had survived! Somehow!

_"We can't leave him! We have to go back!"_

Teal'c's strong arm wrapped around her middle again, restraining her, and for all her worth, she couldn't escape his iron grip. Daniel dialed Earth, each symbol pounding against her heart with a terrible finality, but neither of her teammates budged. She'd screamed that they didn't understand: They were never coming back; Hammond would never allow it. Jack was never coming home!

And then Daniel had turned his haunted eyes to hers, withdrawn and subdued. _"I know. I'm so sorry, Sam."_

It was a phrase he had repeated a lot over the past thirteen days. Unfair as it was to him and Teal'c, Sam had held their following of Jack's orders to drag her to the Gate against them. She had discussed it with them, telling them that she knew that she shouldn't blame them and didn't for abiding by the last desperate request of their friend. _"I just need time_," she'd told them, and they understood.

Time had passed, second by agonizing second, and she was counting the days, still reliving the first. She wondered that she'd ever stop. She even wondered that she'd ever be able to go on another mission. Just stepping within the SGC reminded her of him. His presence was built into the place. Every hall echoed with his boisterous teasing and insubordination. She passed by his office and quarters regularly, but never stepped inside: the thought of seeing his desk empty without him behind it tore at her heart. Even in her own lab, she couldn't look at a "doohickey" without thinking of him, and for some reason, within her lab, she could smell him. A phantom scent that wasn't really there; just a memory of so many times before.

If she was to ever walk through the 'Gate again, she didn't know how she'd do it, let alone carry out a mission knowing he wasn't there. She, Daniel, and Teal'c were family, with Jack, and families stuck together, but she was beginning to acknowledge that the SGC may no longer hold her future anymore. Though she knew it was too soon to be making those decisions with the recentness of his death, Sam was sure she would be a danger to her teammates as well as herself.

Although, getting killed in a mission off-world didn't seem like such a bad idea. It was a dangerous thought, but she couldn't help it. It was how he died, never to return home, and she wished like anything that she had been allowed to die with him.

Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes: he would hate to know. Probably did know as he fell.

Klaxons blared: _"U__nscheduled off-world activation."_

She waited for it, but the call for SG-1 to come didn't sound, so she sank back into her chair, fiddling with the alien technology. They'd call if they needed her; she couldn't offer her assistance preemptively right now.

_"SG-1__ report to the __briefing r__oom__ immediately."_

So much for preemptive.

With all due haste, Sam placed the device on her desk, checked to be sure she had her keycard, and left her lab, closing the door behind her.

The hallways were abuzz as she hurried through them when she neared the briefing room. Did-you-sees and I-can't-believe-its were being whispered between the airmen and scientists, but in her depressed mindset, she wasn't even the slightest bit curious.

Sam met up with Teal'c at the briefing room entrance, and Daniel was coming up behind her, so they waited. Teal'c gave her a deep nod in greeting, and she offered a half smile she didn't feel. She was trying, really, to forgive him and Daniel. They had only carried out their friend's last wishes, but it seemed matters of the heart were not solved so easily by logical thought.

General Hammond was talking to someone inside the room as Daniel caught up, automatically giving Sam a hug as had become his custom in the past few days.

"Son, I can't tell you how happy I am to have you home."

"Glad to be home, Sir," the other man answered in a very familiar drawl.

Sam's heart stopped at his voice. She looked between Teal'c and Daniel, both who were as tense as she was with matching wide eyes. Another millisecond passed by before they all three crowded through the door at once.

There he was, Colonel Jack O'Neill in the flesh talking with General Hammond. Alive and well. The two officers had paused in their conversation as SG-1 stumbled through the entryway, amused smiles playing on the General's and Colonel's lips. Jack's brown eyes twinkled in merriment, immediately settling on hers.

"Before you ask," Hammond started, anticipating their suspicions, "He is the real Colonel O'Neill. Received word from the Alpha Site as he arrived."

Sam barely registered what he'd said. She was numb. She was going to be sick again. She… was _not _going to allow herself to faint. Teal'c placed a steadying hand on her shoulder as she wavered, grounding her, and she was immensely grateful.

"Hey, kids," he said with a hesitant smile. "I'd like to say that reports of my death were greatly exaggerated, but they weren't. See, what happened was-"

He was cut off with an "Oof!" as Daniel barreled into him unabashedly in a crushing hug. "Oh my G--, Jack!"

Jack returned the embrace grinning and ruffling the archeologist's hair affectionately. "Spacemonkey."

-/\-

For the wimpy geek he used to be, Daniel was surprisingly strong. Jack was having a little difficulty breathing in his best friend's tight grasp, but he still wasn't complaining. He had been convinced that he would never see him again – would never see any of them again.

Teal'c came forward as Daniel finally released him, taking his arm in greeting only to pull him into another hug, and Jack found the Jaffa's grip to be life-threatening.

"Teal'c! Buddy!" he gasped. "Love ya' too, but I need to breathe!"

He relented, stepping back. "I am most pleased to see you alive, O'Neill," he said simply.

"Thanks. Good to see you, too," he said smiling, but he shifted his attention to the last member of his team.

Sam had shuffled forward and was now standing opposite him, but she made no move to embrace him. Her glassy blue eyes, not bright and sparkling like they should have been, roved his form. Her nose was red as she held herself in check.

"Miss me, Carter?" he asked trying to remain light, but came out gently instead.

"More than you know, Sir," she answered quietly, still staring at him. She looked down quickly, but not before Jack caught sight of the tear that slid down her cheek. His heart constricted painfully, and while she was looking away, he took in her appearance. She was more frazzled than usual and slightly thinner than he remembered. What he could see of her face was drawn and tired-looking. She looked like she'd made a visit to Ne'tu while he'd been gone.

"So how did you…?" Daniel began.

"Sarcophagus," he answered simply. He noticed Carter go even paler, and he mentally winced that he hadn't been more sympathetic with his answer. Knowing very well how she felt about him, he couldn't imagine what she'd been through, and yet, she hadn't hugged or even touched him. He didn't know if he could be that strong if the situation was switched.

"Ah. Should have known. What did they want?"

He shrugged. "The usual. Tell us how to defeat the Tau'ri and Tok'ra, yatta yatta yatta. I decided I'd rather get home, though."

"How?" Daniel wanted to know.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Escaping was easy. But the bridge – I built that with the hair from my legs."

Daniel was horrified, Sam turned her wide confused eyes on him, and Hammond was outright baffled.

"I believe O'Neill is referring to the Pirates of the Caribbean movie in which Captain Jack Sparrow falsely asserted that he escaped the marooned island by roping sea turtles with the hair from his back for humorous intent," Teal'c explained expertly.

"Right you are, T'. But I'm _Colonel _Jack, so I used _leg _hair." He looked to Sam, hoping to find some form of amusement. "More manly. And much easier to reach." Her mouth was twitching, but another tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly batted it away.

"Uh huh," Daniel said patiently, "Cute. I'm just glad you didn't say… Never mind. But really, Jack, how-?"

"Daniel & Teal'c," Hammond said with an apologetic expression, "I understand your elation to see Colonel O'Neill back alive and well as I share in your feelings, and I'm just as curious as you to know how we are so fortunate to have him return to us, but I need some time with him and Major Carter alone, if you please."

Daniel paused, not happy about being interrupted, but then with a glance towards Sam, nodded immediately, heading towards the door. "Sure thing," he said. "I'll… uh… catch you… later, Jack. – Soon later."

Teal'c inclined his head. "It is very good to have you back, O'Neill. As Daniel Jackson said, I will see you later," and with that, he followed the archeologist out the door.

As soon as they were gone, Hammond said, "Colonel, Major." Both gave him their attention. "I know you both have some things to discuss. I leave you both to attend to those matters." And he made to leave.

Jack looked to Sam in surprise, and she returned his glance. Turning back to Hammond as he headed for the door, Jack said, "I'm not sure that I know what you mean, General."

"I meant what I said, Jack. Time with you and Major Carter _alone._"

"Sir?" Jack questioned, dreading the general's purposes.

"I'm not blind, Colonel; I only pretend to be."

Jack sucked in a breath, biting the inside of his lip as embarrassment coursed through him. Not that it was a surprise that George knew, but he had hoped… Glancing at Carter for her reaction, her head was bowed and jaw clenched like his, her hands balled in fists, but she was still closed to him.

"Nothing will leave this room," Hammond said sincerely with a nod towards the cameras in the corner and the lowered blast shield, surprising Jack. "I give you full permission to do whatever needs doing. Take all the time you need." _Within reason _didn't need to be said.

Looking back to his 2IC, Jack tried to prepare himself for could possibly be ahead and realized he had to acknowledge he had no idea. Was she angry with him or controlling her true joy at seeing him? She turned to him then, their eyes meeting. More tears hovered there, unshed.

"General?" he spoke up again, tearing his eyes from her, and Hammond paused in closing the door. "Thank you."

"Don't expect me to make a habit of it," he said firmly. "This is a onetime thing due to special circumstances."

Jack nodded. "Of course."

"Good. I'll be down in the control room. Come find me when you're finished," he ordered and left them to it.

It was awkwardly silent at first, the tension flooding into the room with the click of the door. Jack looked back to the security cameras; sure enough, the red and green lights were dull – nothing was being recorded. He owed his CO big time for this one. Maybe he'd buy tickets to Disney World for him and his granddaughters: George would love that, and so would they. He could convince the General to take a week off, maybe… But that was for later pondering; there were more pressing matters at stake at the moment.

Letting go of a long breath, Jack turned to Sam. She wasn't looking at him anymore, gaze directed at her toes again. Knowing that he would have to be the first one to say anything, he decided to ask the question he was most concerned with: "Are you okay?"

She shrugged and shook her head, peering up at him. "Honestly, I don't know."

-/\-

"Carter?" he pried further reaching out a little to her, and she noted that her voice held an airy quality to it. Another wave of dizziness washed over her, and she grasped onto his proffered arm to steady herself.

"I think I'm in shock," she mused, more to herself, but Hammond had given them "permission" which was all but an order to take care of "this," so she wasn't going to waste time hiding things from him.

He nodded and stepped closer, placing his other hand on her shoulder. "That's expected. Want to sit down?"

Sam shook her head adamantly. "No. I'm fine."

"You're not fine," he insisted, and pushing her backwards, he forced her to half sit on the briefing table. When he stepped back from her, he asked, "When was the last time you ate?"

"This morning, I was able to hold down some toast," she answered, feeling pathetic. When she saw his alarm, she rushed onward, "Daniel, Teal'c, and Janet have been keeping an eye on me. Janet gave me some pills so I can sleep. And I haven't become dependent, because I've paced myself-"

"Sam," he interrupted, his features broken, "I… You… You can't…"

Anger flared up in her from his unfinished thought. She had become so emotional these past thirteen days, and she didn't have the strength nor will to fight against the impulses. "I can't what?"

"Care about me," he said softly.

She gave a cynical chuckle. "It's a little more than just _caring_ about you, Jack. And you're a couple years too late."

His mouth popped open into a little 'o,' eyes bulging at her admission, and she closed her own in self revulsion. She had _never _meant to reveal that. "I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Sam."

"Just forget I said that. Please," she requested softly. D--- mood swings. She preferred anger to lingering hopelessness and grief. – Minus the accidental declarations of love.

"Yeah, sure, you betcha," he replied sarcastically.

She glared at him.

Seemingly wanting to encourage her anger – and for the purpose of getting her to open up, no doubt – he challenged, "You haven't forgiven me for ordering you to leave?"

Again, she closed her eyes, fighting back the turbulent emotions his words inspired. "I shouldn't hold that against you; I've done the same thing, and it was the right thing to do."

"Have you forgiven Daniel and Teal'c?"

"I've been trying to," she answered sedately. "They understand."

"I'm sure they do."

She could think of nothing else to say, and Jack offered nothing else, either. The room was stifling. She needed to get out so she could deal in her own way away from anyone else, alone. She couldn't do it here, not with him right there across from her, barely three feet away. Because that part wasn't even computing.

Wasn't he dead this morning? Only a few minutes ago, even. For thirteen entire hellish days, the man standing across from her she had _known_ to be dead. They'd even had a funeral service for him. She'd been haunted by his presence, his eyes, his smile, his laugh, his voice, his smell – everything that was him she'd seen in everything. Because she knew he was never coming back.

But he was here, alive, before her.

Her heart lurched as it hit her. "Oh G--." She swung her eyes to his face. His beautiful, handsome, _real _face, tears flowing freely down her own.

He crossed the distance between them in an instant, placing his arms on either side of her to brace himself as he leaned forward to hover over her. She let her hands fly up to touch him, to feel that he was there.

"I'm sorry, Sam," he said softly as she ran her hands over his forehead, cheeks, and neck. "I'm so sorry."

She shook her head. "No. You came back. It wasn't your fault." She wouldn't allow him to apologize when he'd done nothing wrong. She, on the other hand… "We left you. We weren't ever coming back-"

"Not yours, either," he reminded her firmly.

She blinked, and nodded in acceptance. It would take a little while to believe, but she knew he was right.

"I can't promise you that I'll always come back," he said soberly.

She sniffled, nodding again as another tear fell. "I know."

He reached up to cup her cheek, and she covered his hand with her own, leaning into his caress. "But I swear, if there's a way, I'll find it," he said, voice husky with emotion. "I can't imagine what you've been through."

She turned her head slightly, eyes locked with his, and kissed his palm. "Yes, you can," she said meaningfully.

He smiled crookedly. "Okay, so I can. Point is I don't want to put you through it."

"I know," she replied with a half smile she actually felt. "And I'll never give up, either."

"Good. – Feeling better?" he asked, hopefully.

"I will be." She ran her fingers through the tips of his now longish bangs; he'd probably leave the SGC straight for the barber, she thought with another twinge at the corner of her mouth. He was always so d--- hot after a haircut: maybe they could persuade Hammond one more time, she thought mischievously.

He caught her hand in his and placed her palm over his lips, eyes glued to hers. "Anything I can do to speed the process along?"

"I'm sure there is," she said before she could stop herself and draped her arms over his shoulders.

The End

**AN:** Ehh… yeah. Not my best, I know. Probably one I'll end up taking down in the future. I rushed the ending a bit due to time constraints. ;) But it works for them, right? And I haven't written a deathfic yet!


End file.
